Author Archives: Northern mom of 3

Sometimes I find I end up in this weird toxic space of wishing my life looked different, not in the aspect you may be thinking. I love my children, my dogs and my partner. A lot. But I wish things came easier to us. I wish we weren’t so broke sometimes and I wish we owned our own home. But I don’t know how to get there. It seems like expense after expense keeps arising. It seems like when I think we are doing okay. We get slapped with some other stress. I always knew life wasn’t easy. But does it really have to be this hard? I feel like I’m suffocating from the stress of how do I pay my bills and still live? Please, take me out of survival mode and let me live freely.

Sometimes we spend so many hours,days, months and even years before we realize we’ve lost our identity outside of mom. Don’t get me wrong I love being a mom, but I don’t know who I am besides mother, wife… I am not a person with many hobbies because I spend so much time making sure my children and my partner have what they need to be successful and healthy. Which is in part of why I started this blog. To hopefully take back a piece of who I am without my children having to sacrifice. Because when you become a parent, your children need to be priority but where is that line of they are priority but so are you? A mom who is not happy, or is not okay, is a mom that needs to find herself again, so she can be the best she can for herself and her children… but society expects so much from us, our families except so much from us…. When do we actually have time for us?

Do you ever sit there and wonder why anxiety is something that rears it’s head in the worst possible times? Well for me it’s present alllll the time. It’s not always in the form of worry but in the form of nausea and self doubt and hatred for leaving my house but also for being alone. There is no reason. No in between. No purpose…. Other than to completely debilitate. Sometimes it’s as small as I’m worried about an appointment to as huge as I can’t even leave my house without panic. Sometimes there is no relief. Sometimes I just have to breathe. I can’t explain it. But I hate every minute of it. Was I always this way? Or did I mask it so well I didn’t notice it?

Sometimes I wonder how I have survived some of the experiences I’ve lived. Not that I’m comparing myself to others but holy shit has life been violent and mean to me. I wish I could protect my children from all the bad on the world but I know I can’t. I do think I can at least hand them the tools to encourage better ways to handle those experiences because my parents did not give me that at all.

Hello, welcome to my blog. I am a 29 year old mom or 3 humans and 2 fur babies. I have created this space for myself, to remind myself that I am someone else, outside of being mom. My children are 10,7 and almost 3 right now. My dogs are 6 and 6 months and we have one who recently crossed the rainbow bridge and I have been lost since. I love photography, I love to read, I love essential oils and tattoos and I say fuck… a lot. If any of this isn’t your jam, well you might be in the wrong place and somewhere along the way, you’ll probably get offended. So don’t say that I didn’t warn you. My partner and I have been together for 7 years this year. We’ve grown and changed a lot throughout these years but we have tried to do it together and not against each other. We are outdoorsy but also we don’t like people…. So we spend a lot of time in our own spaces because… ew.. socializing and people. 😆. Part of my hope through this process is to show myself I’m not alone with my experiences and thoughts in this crazy ass place, but to also maybe show you the same thing.